The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
