your thong is hanging out like whoa
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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