I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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