New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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