mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
