Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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