I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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