Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
