That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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