dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
