started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
