I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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