Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
