apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
