oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
