the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
