Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
