So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
