there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
