there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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