Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
