Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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