wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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