pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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