i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
