Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
