Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
