You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
