I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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