I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
