I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
