I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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