hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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