I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
