Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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