dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
