Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
