That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
