so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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