Tell her she can't have a vagina
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
