i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want her autograph on my taint
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
