um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
