I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
