id be glad to
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
