just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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