Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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