On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
