Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
