sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
