Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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