i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My nipple is on Facebook.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
