guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
