I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
