I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
